At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
