Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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