How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
