Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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