Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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