Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
