he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
