she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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