college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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