i permit you to call me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
