Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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