Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
