then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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