im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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