No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
