have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
