I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
