based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
