you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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