So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Non-Jews are for practice
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
