It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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