I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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