maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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