Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
