You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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