im drinking this country out of the recession.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
