Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
