We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
