I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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