The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
