my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
