i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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