tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
