Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
