You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
