Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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