He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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