just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
