Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bang-toberfest begins!!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
