oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
