Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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