I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
