Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
