just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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