im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
