if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
