I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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