I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
