You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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