We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
