I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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