don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
